#GirlCrush is the new subscription box that focuses on girl bosses, sending out a monthly box to subscribers that contain beauty products, clothing, jewellery, and many more fabulous items. The company also donates 10% sales to a chosen charity. I signed up to receive the first box, and I was not disappointed.
Each box is despatched on the 14th of every month, and usually arrives within a few days. I was so excited to come home from work last Friday to see mine sitting on the side. I ripped it open to find multiple luxury beauty products (including a lovely red nail polish that I tried immediately!), a pair of yoga pants, and a candle.
Sadly, the yoga pants were a tad too small for me, so I sent them to my sister, who definitely needs reminding that she is gorgeous. This box is the perfect pick-me-up. You can personalise it, and discover new brands by female entrepreneurs. Body-positive, feminist, women-centred, it’s everything you could want in a monthly subscription box.
I spoke to director Sienna Rose about this amazing new box.
What inspired you to start the #GirlCrush box?
I think that usually someone thinks of an idea first and then they think of an appropriate name for it, but for me it was the other way round. I’ve always loved the Girl Crush hashtag as I love the idea of being supportive of other women, instead of viewing each other as competition, so I tried to think of a concept that would embody that.
I’ve always been passionate about business and I love to listen to podcasts of women with great start up stories, so I wanted to provide a service that would help these women promote their products in a way that would highlight what they’ve created.
The #GirlCrush box gives them the chance to do so. Our members can crush on their products, and girl crush on the women behind them via the interview series we run alongside the launch of each box. I love the fact that I know any woman who subscribes to this box isn’t just doing so to receive the beautiful products inside, but also because they believe in our overall ethos of women supporting women
As the company grows I want it to turn into more of a community to celebrate women and their achievements, so I can’t wait for everything we have coming up over the next few months.
What can subscribers expect each month?
For just £20 a month our subscribers can expect at least 8 different luxury quality products created by women owned brands. The box includes beauty, lifestyle products such as stationery, tech and home accessories, and clothing or jewellery. Whenever we can, we’ll personalise it according to your personal preferences, such as your favourite colour.
The value of our box is up to £150. You can either subscribe on a monthly basis, treat yourself to a one off box, or gift one of our boxes to the main Girl Crush in your life.
What made you choose Women’s Aid as your first charity?
I chose Women’s Aid as the first charity to donate to, as I myself have been through abuse, both as a child and then domestically during my adult life, and so it was really important to me to give back to an organisation that helps us to grow from victims to survivors. As #GirlCrush progresses I’m looking forward to being able to get more involved and give back in an even bigger way.
Tell us more about your background.
I’ve worked for myself for the past 9 years within the creative digital space, doing a variety of things including website design and influencer outreach. Prior to that I worked in corporate sales. I’m not sure what it’s like now, but 9 years ago it was definitely a male dominated area, so I would often find myself being the only woman in an office filled with men, who would mostly ignore and side eye the 19 year old petite girl consistently smashing her sales targets. This definitely gave me the self motivation to create a business for myself, where I could always be comfortable and have fun doing whatever I wanted, and I’m proud to say I’ve been continuously able to do so. #GirlCrush is already becoming the most fulfilling part of my entrepreneurial journey so far.
Which Girl Bosses are you crushing on right now?
I’m obsessed with beautiful stationery, so I’m really inspired by Kristina Karlsson (the creator of Kikki K) and Erin Condren. I love wrestling so I’ve always loved Stephanie McMahon (WWE), but overall I’m able to draw inspiration from all the Girl Bosses I discover on a daily basis through work and listening to podcasts such as Goal Digger by Jenna Kutcher, or watching Youtube or reading a blog. I particularly crush on Mimi Ikonn and Alex Beadon, they’re both amazing women. I love visiting markets in my local area and being able to see Girl Bosses selling beautiful and unique creations that they made with their own hands. I believe there’s always an opportunity to learn and be inspired by fellow women, because each of us is a Girl Boss in one way or another.
How do you mend a broken heart? How do you recover after bad treatment, emotional neglect, the feeling of having wasted years of your precious life; hence, how do you start again after abuse?
Why me? may be just one of many recurring questions you may ask yourself. Although some people may be much more vulnerable to falling victim to abuse, anyone can get trapped in a toxic relationship, be it at work, school, among friends, or at home.
Nevertheless, it can also be reassuring and liberating to seek the answer to this question, and find out why and how it was possible to slip into a situation where your right to respect and peace was severely jeopardized.
For all the victims of abuse I have met and gotten to know well over the years, they have told me that once they had made the decision to leave, they went into some kind of ‘limbo’. Finding the answer to the question had become a necessity to start a new life again. It allowed them to move forward with much more confidence, less feeling of guilt and regret. Without that vital clue, they felt that, just as they’d been trapped in a destructive roller-coaster relationship, they were now left to pick up the puzzle pieces and rebuild a picture that they could not see clearly.
I’ve given these courageous women a collective pseudonym here – I call her Emily – and she will go through the different stages of healing and the challenges they faced and/or are still facing.
Emily is breathing a sigh of relief. She and her three children are safe. They have gotten away, broken all ties with a person who never really had their well-being in mind, who cheated and deceived them, who abused their confidence and good-will and whose remorse never lasted long enough. On the contrary, who twisted their words, diverted attention from his actions and intimidated them even after proffering a few apologetic words or promises to change forever. He always ended up expertly shifting the guilt onto her.
Now she needs to create a new chapter in her life and, although she is happy with her decision, there is the weight of the past to deal with, the future to secure, her children’s well-being to consider. It either drags her down like a load of coal mounted onto her back one day or she feels hope another day.
Physical and emotional exhaustion – a result that is not your fault
Emily knows that she is not alright, but safe and glad about her decision. The feelings of guilt and remorse subside as she surrounds herself with people who endorse and encourage her decision. She feels deeply hurt when comments such as ‘how could you have stayed with someone who cheated on you?’, ‘how was it possible you did not see?’, ‘anyone could tell he was a waster’ cut through a conversation because even though she cannot comprehend why she did not escape earlier, the comments are like salt rubbed into her healing wounds.
It is essential to surround yourself with people who are truly compassionate and caring, who are genuinely interested, especially in the first year after the separation. There will be much self-doubt, anxieties about how to cope with the future demands as a single mother, how to protect yourself from snide remarks, the doubt in people’s eyes and occasional pity.
Talk, talk … and talk some more Rewriting your life-story and understanding Stockholm Syndrome
Emily is experiencing many highs and lows. Some days she is hunky dory, another her head feels heavy and the world is painted in shades of black and grey. She has found a new job, has made new friends and her children are all starting to talk, ask questions. Each one of the three children take turns in either brooding over their loss of an abusive father one day, or talking to her for hours another day. Emily feels the same need. Sometimes she retreats into silence, at others she reads everything there is to know about abusive relationships. The Internet, bookshops and many 24/7 helplines are available to answer all of her questions … except the main one: Why me? Because every Emily has a unique story to tell, based on different backgrounds and circumstances.
It is likely that during her search, a victim of abuse will stumble upon the term called ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ which is a descriptive term for the kind of coping mechanisms involved in dealing with a traumatic situation. The reason for the emotional attachment to the abuser is the result of the continuous stress and dependence and ultimately a way to survive. It’s an extremely powerful reaction and the result of a perceived threat that completely blurs a victim’s point of view on reality but makes them express empathy for their abuser to the extent that they will even defend them with teeth and claw. Often a small gesture of kindness from the manipulator is enough to trigger the adaptive behaviour.
Therapeutic recovery from ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ is said to be good … as long as the person is separated from the narcissistic manipulator/abuser.
Re-connect with the world therapy, diary-writing or meditation
Emily is working in a local estate agent, relishing the hours that she gets to meet other people – new colleagues and clients. It is not her favourite kind of job but that doesn’t matter because as long as she feels useful, is financially independent and reconnecting with ‘normal life’, she can embrace her new start.
Some days, Emily knows that the past will never quite leave, her feelings of loss, lack of self-esteem, the years forever gone are a painful reminder that she needs to find an outlet for the recurring memories. She turns to anything that can take some of the burden off her shoulders, help her re-assess what may have gone wrong, what aspects of her toxic relationship caused her to shift, lose her confidence, her self-worth.
For one woman, it is therapy under hypnosis, another prefers diary-writing, yet another finds peace and a feeling of refreshment and release when meditating, jogging or walking through a wood, reconnecting with nature. There are many apps available for free which may be helpful guides to start with relaxation techniques, yoga postures that are conducive for better sleep or breathing exercises that can help people to cope with emotional turmoil. Reading poetry is another activity that has proven beneficial and soothing when the dark clouds are threatening to blur your newly found vision.
Healing rather than revenge, truth rather than pretence The Titanic Image
Emily imagines that she is Rose, the heroine in the movie Titanic. She is lying on a ripped piece of wood, floating on the freezing Arctic Sea. There is much debris moving around her and she is suddenly aware of a massive shadow looming in the corner of her eyes. She lifts her head to see what it is and her eyes widen with disbelief. She ponders whether to attempt reaching the ship again, finding a way to get back on. After all, she’d been told that it was the safest, the best built ship of all times, unsinkable. She believed it was but notices that within minutes, the massive bulk of the vessel is sinking and creating waves that carry her further and further away. The panic rises to her throat but she is so cold and weak that all she can emit is a small whimper.
What she thought was a beautiful and strong Ocean liner is now sinking in front of her very eyes. She must give up on the idea of returning. She looks around, not sure who has survived the shipwreck with her but also knows that her existence is precarious. She is trembling intensely, emotionally and physically drained. Staying out here for much longer will mean her certain death. She must accept that all’s changed, that she will only survive if she gets onto one of the few life boats floating nearby, wrapped around a blanket, finding warmth and comfort.
You are stronger than you think you are. You can accept and survive the symbolic disappearance of an illusion. The Titanic can represent any relationship which was not built strong enough to detect life’s perilous ice bergs.
Everyone deserves to be given respect, love and joy; the chance to grow and most of all a life that holds no daily threats, fears and anxieties. Whenever you falter, don’t reprimand yourself, embrace the emotion, observe it, then let it go, reminding yourself that you did survive the sinking of the Titanic, that whoever you left behind does not have a connection with you anymore. Rediscover just how powerful kindness, support, encouragement, and compassion of others are. These gestures have a huge impact on our brains and bodies and allow you to find that general sense of well-being you deserve.
About The Author
Helene Andrea Leuschel was born and raised in Belgium to German parents. She gained a Licentiate in Journalism, which led to a career in radio and television in Brussels, London and Edinburgh. Helene moved to the Algarve in 2009 with her husband and two children, working as a freelance TV producer and teaching yoga. She recently acquired a Master of Philosophy with the OU, deepening her passion for the study of the mind. Manipulated Lives is Helene’s first work of fiction.
As readers of this blog may know, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in May last year. On the advice of the doctor, I made an attempt to get healthier. And so, Not A Diet was born.
I’ll be talking about eating disorders, OCD, and my abusive childhood. Proceed with caution.
A bit of background: When I was a teenager, I had a really rubbish relationship with food, to put it lightly. It was either something to control, or something to hide in. I starved myself, obsessively counting calories; I spent hours doing ridiculous exercises in my bedroom; I binged, tried to purge, then punished myself with the starvation-exercise-binge routine again. Why did I do this? In an abusive household, food was one of the few things I could control. My father always called me fat, ugly, disgusting. He made me believe that I wasn’t worthy of friendship, of love. I believed that I was huge, grotesque. I was obsessed with numbers (thanks, OCD) – counting calories, weighing myself, staring at “thinspiration”, feeling sick when I looked in the mirror. Nothing else mattered – I had to be slim, else I would be alone forever.
This is me back then, the week my dad died, while I was on holiday with friends. I was 17.
I look back now, and I think, I wish I was that size again! I spent so much time thinking I was huge, when I wasn’t! But I was miserable. I was slimmer, yes, but I was rarely happy. I had to learn that the way I felt about myself shouldn’t be so directly connected to my weight. I had to escape the cycle.
So, moving on a few years. This was taken during my final year at university. My weight has increased since I was a teenager – a combination of hormones and fibromyalgia is not a good one (side note: I believe I’ve had fibromyalgia for 7 years, since my dad died, but I was only diagnosed last year). Thanks to increased pain, my activity level decreased significantly, while my metabolism slowed down, and I kept hold of all the calories I was eating. I was bigger. But my weight didn’t bother me half as much as it used to, because I didn’t have someone constantly putting me down, making me feel bad about myself.
Since I headed off to university, about 6 years ago(!), my weight has stayed around the same, with small fluctuations. When I was diagnosed last May, I was 101kg. I was terrified of slipping back into the cycle, of obsessing over food and weight, of hating myself for eating a doughnut. So I made a decision to weigh myself every time I went to the doctors, which was every month or so, to try to keep track, to see if my changes were making a difference. My weight barely changed. At one point, it went up to 106kg, then down to 104kg, but it mostly stayed around 101kg. Realising this wasn’t a very scientific way of keeping track of my weight, I bought a set of bathroom scales.
Let me be clear: OCD is a very real disorder, one that is often reduced down to sorting your clothes by colour or washing your hands a bit more than normal. In reality, OCD is insidious. It defies logic. With regard to calorie counting and keeping track of my weight, it turns these numbers into the most important thing in my life. Coupled with my dad constantly telling me that I was hideous, the link between weighing myself and feeling like shit was (is) strong. I refused to let a set of scales dictate my level of happiness, but I had to try to do something. I’m not blind – I know what size I am. I know that being overweight doesn’t help (though it doesn’t cause!) conditions such as fibromyalgia. My health is important. But so is my mental health.
I made a deal with my partner – if I started getting obsessive, he was to take the scales away and hide them. This deal still stands, though we’ve had them for a couple of months now, and, so far, things are going well. The fluctuations still don’t make a lot of sense – why am I 102kg today, but 100kg yesterday?! – but I do not, I will not, let it rule my life.
Treating fibromyalgia requires a multi-pronged attack. First, I had to get the pain under control. In June, I started taking Amitriptyline, a tricyclic antidepressant that also helps block pain signals. Over the next few months, I slowly increased my dose, aiming to get to a point where the pain was more manageable. Getting the pain and exhaustion under control had to be my number one priority. As it was, I could barely function. I dragged myself through work each day, I had to choose between cooking a meal or washing my hair in the evening, and I spent every weekend, the entire weekend, sleeping, sitting, trying to recuperate from the working week, for the working week ahead. It was a horrible, exhausted, pain-filled experience.
This went on for quite a while. Getting used to the increased dose of Amitriptyline came with its own issues – it often left me with a “hangover”, zombie-like in the morning. One of the worst parts of the fibro was the stiffness in my lower back in the mornings. It took me ages to get out of bed, and I could barely lower myself on to the toilet. I felt like I was 60 years old. I decided to ask for some physiotherapy. Long story short, with the NHS in the state its in, I had to go private. Towards the end of 2016, I attended several sessions, and was starting to feel a difference. Then, a colleague told me about a Pilates class she was attending. It was specifically designed for people with back and joint issues. I scoffed, secretly terrified. She wanted me to walk into an exercise class? Not bloody likely! I’ll get laughed out of the place! But the more I thought about it, the more appealing it sounded.
I pinged off an email to the instructor, just to get some information, and she responded almost immediately, booking me in for a taster session in late January. Shit. I was definitely scared, but I forced myself to go. What harm could it do? I thought. What’s the worst thing that could happen? People might stare at me, judge me? So what? So what indeed. Armed with my own mat (there is a cleanliness element to my OCD), hair up in a ponytail, clad in a baggy shirt and leggings, I turned up, determined. And I loved it. I’ve been going for six weeks now, and I look forward to every session. It’s gentle, the instructor is mindful of any injuries or health conditions you have, and alters the movements if they’re not quite suited to any individual. It’s perfect. I can already feel a difference – I feel stronger, with less pain, less fatigue. This multi-pronged attack is, currently, kicking fibromyalgia’s arse!
Last week, we went on a mini break to Edinburgh. We spent three and a half days wandering around, exploring. I still had to take it easy, rest, and wear appropriate shoes, but I could do it. I did it!
This is me, standing outside a cafe – the birthplace of Harry Potter, no less! – last week.
My weight is still 101kg. But I feel better. I’m nowhere near well – fibromyalgia never goes away, after all – but I’m making progress. And it feels amazing.
I spent an hour in the gym on Saturday (with Inspiring Woman, personal trainer, and bleddy slave driver Colette Cooper!), and have been hobbling about for two days now, having strained the muscles in my thighs. It hurts, but I also feel proud. Colette challenged me, my body, ignoring my protests. “I can’t!” I’d say, but I did. We did push it a tad too far, as the DOMS will attest, but it was useful for Colette to assess what I was capable of. Now, we can work together to create an exercise plan that will allow me to get stronger.
I’ve been monitoring my calorie content for about a month now. At first, I just wanted to see how much I was eating on a daily basis. I went carefully, mindful of taking it too seriously. Any hint of obsession, and I would stop. Studies show that people with fibromyalgia have a lowered metabolism, making it harder to lose weight, but I wasn’t exactly gorging myself. I rarely went over 1800 calories per day! So I made a decision to cut that down to 1600, trying to lower my sugar intake and eat less carbs, more protein. Colette will now be helping me to understand what I’m eating, and suggest other changes I can make. I’ve posted several yummy recipes in the past, including spicy pork chops, Indian style wedges, a gluten-free lemon drizzle cake, and homemade coleslaw. I hope to keep posting more healthy meals, and I’ll also be including calorie content where possible, something I didn’t want to do previously.
When I was at university, there were some lean times, where I couldn’t afford to eat very well. I would have sworn up and down that the changes I made back then made zero difference, just like when I started the Not A Diet. But, back then, I was in constant, sometimes debilitating pain. I didn’t feel like I was making any progress, because fibromyalgia had taken over my life. I felt, quite honestly, like shit, all the time. So any tiny changes I made – swapping a chocolate bar for an apple, cutting out fizzy drinks and alcohol – made very little difference to the way I felt. I needed to get a diagnosis, and treatment, and then approach having a healthier lifestyle.
But why am I being so candid, posting relatively unflattering pictures of myself, sharing my weight? Why am I opening myself up to fat-shaming? Well, it’s simple, really. I hated that last picture, grumbled at my partner for taking it. I don’t see what he sees. I could only see a fat, ugly, horrible person, one who doesn’t deserve anything. But that’s my dad talking. My partner sees a woman who deserves to be happy, to be loved, to enjoy a pizza if she wants one. It’s so hard to look at ourselves that way. It’s easy to put ourselves down, constantly worrying about our “love handles”, or feeling guilty for having a second glass of wine. It’s so easy for women to hate ourselves. I’ve learnt this lesson the hard way. It’s not about how I look – it’s about how I feel. I know how twee that sounds, but it really is true, for me. My goal isn’t to lose weight, not really. My goal is to be able to go to work all week and pop out on a Sunday morning for a quick stroll. My goal is to be able to walk for longer than two minutes before desperately needing to rest. My goal is to not have to spend the entire weekend in bed. My goal is to get better, to feel better. And if I lose weight in the process, that’s just a bonus!
So I’ll continue with this Not A Diet, trying to be healthier, tracking my calories, weighing and measuring myself once a week, being accountable to not just myself, but to Colette too. If I want a slice of cake, I’ll have a slice of cake (and I will enjoy it!), but I will not feel guilty about it. I’m lucky to have someone like Colette, who understands the real world. We can do our best 80, 90% of the time, and still reap the rewards. And still enjoy a slice of cake, or a glass of wine. Happiness is the key, as is health. I can be healthier, and I can be happier. This girl can; can you?
Keen readers of The Bandwagon blog may have noticed that a new feature has been added. The For Choice Project aims to give people who have experienced abortion a place to tell their story, giving them a voice in a world that doesn’t want to listen.
The For Choice Project is broken down into the following pages:
Anyone can submit their story using the contact form, or by emailing email@example.com. All stories are completely anonymous, and, if using the contact form, you do not need to leave your name or email address. You can also read other submissions on the Stories page.
The Useful Contacts page will, eventually, contain the contact details of various organisations around the world that help people access abortion. So many excellent organisations are already helping people access safe abortion. If you wish to add an organisation to our list, please comment on the Useful Contacts page, or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Bandwagon is a feminist blog. We believe in and advocate strongly for choice. Every person who has the capacity to fall pregnant should be afforded the right to choose whether they wish to continue with the pregnancy. We are people, with bodily autonomy; are not “hosts”, we did not “invite it in”. Pregnancy is not a punishment for having sex.
We want to share different stories from various people who have experienced (or considered) abortion. Personally, I’ve never had an abortion, but I know I would if I became pregnant. One story submitted to us (B) talks about a friend of the writer who considered having an abortion, and changed her mind at the last minute. These are all valid experiences.
If you have a comment you wish to share, please pop me an email at email@example.com. Feedback is welcome, but hatred is not.
The Women’s Equality Party welcomed the Government’s announcement today on compulsory sex and relationships education (SRE), but cautioned that giving schools flexibility should not provide a loophole for institutions to avoid teaching children about LGBT+ relationships. The party also called for a curriculum that understood and responded to the different experiences of girls and boys and would be taught by specialist providers.
“We are relieved that this Government is finally taking steps to provide our children with the guidance they need,” said Women’s Equality Party leader Sophie Walker. “However, the new arrangements will still allow parents to remove their children from sex education classes. We also need much more clarity on the proviso that faith schools will be allowed to teach ‘in accordance with the tenets of their faith’.”
Secretary of State for Education Justine Greening’s written statement confirmed that all children from the age of four will be taught about safe and healthy relationships, and all secondary school students will be taught about relationships and sex, including issues such as online safety, sexting and consent. This will be compulsory in all schools: those run by local authorities, as well as academies, independents and free schools.
“We want to see clear plans for funding the kind of specialist teaching required in order to make sex and relationships education effective. WE will continue to hold the Government to account on this,” Walker added.
In January, the Women’s Equality Party gathered cross-party support for its call for LGBT+-inclusive sex and relationships education (SRE) after Conservative MPs voted to block an amendment to the Children and Social Work Bill which would have brought reform.
“We reiterate our demand for fully inclusive sex and relationships education which covers LGBT+ issues, in order to give our children an inclusive education so that they can make choices as adults that are right for them,” said Walker.
“This announcement is long overdue. It is 17 years since schools guidance for sex education was last updated, during which time the culture in which our young people are discovering sex has radically altered. Endemic rates of sexual harassment in schools, as well as sexualised bullying via mobile phones and the internet, mean that teaching respect and consent is vital, and has to start right at the beginning of school life.”
Making sex and relationships mandatory in all UK schools is one of the Women’s Equality Party’s founding policies.
The Women’s Equality Party was established 16 months ago to highlight and dismantle obstacles to gender equality in the UK: a political and economic architecture rigged against women and diversity, an education system riven with unconscious bias and gender stereotyping, a media that reinforces these stereotypes, a society that assigns little value to caregiving and therefore assumes it to be women’s business, that underpays women and invests less in women’s health and permits endemic harassment and violence against women.
The Party currently has 65,000 members and registered supporters. It aims to put equality for women at the top of the national political agenda by being an electoral force that also works with other political parties; in addition to party membership it also offers joint memberships to members of other political parties.
During the month of February, I decided to join in with Ellen Orange’s brilliant idea of reading feminist books. I made my own to-read list, and also some recommendations of fabulous feminist books I’d already read.
What makes a book “feminist”? I believe that feminism is a very personal thing. For me, it’s not just about believing in equality, it’s about behaving in ways that promote equality. So really it’s a way of life. With that definition in mind, what made me choose the books I chose? I was really looking for books that examined what women go through, in either a fictionalised account or a real life story. A couple of feminist subjects that are currently bothering me are rape, female sexuality, and racism, so I wanted to read about those topics, in an attempt to gain more understanding.
The Awakening by Kate Chopin was my first pick. It was free to download on Kindle, having been first published in 1899, and was an exquisitely progressive book for its time. And for our time. The Awakening discusses female infidelity, but also examines how living in a society that restricts women in so many ways is so very detrimental. You can read my full review here.
Then I read We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a very short, but very informative piece of work that really opened my eyes about Adichie’s brand of feminism. I really appreciate some feminists destroying the myth that being a feminist means you’re an ugly, fat, hairy-legged, bra-burning lesbian (but you can be all of those things, if you wish. I for one am hairy-legged and proud). It annoys me when people suggest that because I get my nails done, or wear make-up, I’m not a feminist. It almost buys into the “cool girl” trope, that because I wear mascara and have pink nails, I’m “not like other feminists”, I’m better. This nonsense needs to stop, and Adichie is one of the loudest voices against such rubbish. You can read my review here.
I started an Audible trial (free for 90 days for Prime members!), so I downloaded Unslut by Emily Lindin, and listened to it during my commute to and from work, and sometimes during my lunch hour. I’ve reviewed Unslut in full here – but proceed with caution, as I do discuss slut-shaming and sexual abuse in teens, which may be triggering to some individuals.
In the evenings, I flew through I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou. I’d never read anything by Angelou before, and was quite disappointed about that fact. Feminism must be intersectional, else it is bullshit, and Angelou gives us a chance to confront our white feminism by displaying the clear racial tension in the US that is still, sadly, prevalent today. Reading accounts by people in different situations from ourselves allows us to open our minds to how, although we are still disadvantaged, we are privileged in other ways. It’s a great feminist lesson, and one I intend to keep on learning. You can read my review here.
I didn’t get around to reading The Color Purple by Alice Walker in February, but it’ll be the first audiobook I download when I get my Audible credit for March. I tried the Kindle sample of The Round House by Louise Erdrich, but couldn’t really get into it. Maybe I’ll try again another time. I also bought Paradise by Toni Morrison to get stuck into.
What did I get out of Feminist February? Well, I obviously got to read some amazing books. I liked the split between fiction and non-fiction. I’m not usually a big fan of non-fiction, but my choices for Feminist February were obviously good ones, because I enjoyed all of them.
I’ve also added some to my ever-growing to-read pile. Some of the books I’ve added to my wishlist are:
Ain’t I A Woman: Black Women & Feminism by Bell Hooks
Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay
Men Explain Things To Me by Rebecca Solnit
Sex Object by Jessica Valenti
I’m Not Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl by Gretchen McNeil
The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan
A Mercy by Toni Morrison
I’ve also spent a lot of February listening to podcasts on my commute to and from work. I particularly love Stuff Mom Never Told You, & I’m still on the lookout for other feminist podcasts.
If you have any more recommendations to add to my list, let me know in the comments below! What did you read for Feminist February?
You may have heard of the petition for removing abortions from the NHS. Emanuel Ngochinya doesn’t believe that women should be able to access safe, legal, and free abortions through our National Health Service, regardless of whether we pay into it or not.
Emanuel, sadly, lives about fifteen minutes from me. His face and vile words are splashed across the local papers. He attends the same university that my husband did. He definitely seems to be enjoying his fifteen minutes of fame as a misogynist.
His initial Facebook post reads:
Guys I am not doing this because I hate women or want to intrude on their body. But I do not believe abortion to be anyones right. No one should have the right to end the life of another, all humans either have equal worth or none at all. Science proves that human development begins at conception, it is the start of the human life. I work two jobs and pay taxes, I love this health service but I don’t want my money going towards these type of procedures. If you disagree with abortion then please sign and share this and see if we can make a difference here in the UK.
Ladies, calm down. Emanuel doesn’t want to intrude on our bodies! He just wants… to intrude on our bodies by taking a decision about our own reproductive health away! Put down the pitchforks, let’s go home and knit or bake or something.
The reaction to this petition has, thankfully, been mostly negative. People of all genders and sexual orientation have been reacting with anger and disbelief. Yet, over 3000 people have signed this petition. 3000 people who are engaging in a war against women. Does that sound melodramatic? I suppose it does. I’m a woman, after all, prone to emotional outbursts. But making abortion illegal or harder to access will only result in more unsafe abortions. So, yeah, it kinda is a war against women (and anyone who can fall pregnant).
When discussing abortion, certain viewpoints always seem to pop up. “Too many women are using abortion as contraception!” “Silly little girls can’t take responsibility for their actions!” “Keep your legs closed if you don’t want to get pregnant!” And so on and so misogynistic. So let’s take a look at some statistics, shall we?
According to the 2015 abortion statistics, the total number of abortions performed in England and Wales was 185,824. Of that number:
98% were funded by the NHS
The abortion rate was highest for women ages 21 (at 28.7 per 1,000 women)
The under-16 abortion rate was 2.0 per 1,000 women, and the under-18 rate was 9.9 per 1,000 women
92% of abortions were carried out at under 13 weeks gestation, 80% were at under 10 weeks
2% were carried out under ground E (risk that the child would be born ‘seriously handicapped’)
(For more statistics and information, visit the Department of Health’s summary here.)
Emanuel Ngochinya doesn’t believe in abortion in any circumstance. His Facebook page is covered in posts about Jesus, and he even shared an article about a woman who was conceived in rape, but she is “infinitely grateful that my mom refused an abortion”. Well, of course she is, she’s alive. But what about her mum’s perspective?
What we need to ask ourselves is this: would happen if abortions were removed from the NHS? We need only look across the water to our Irish sisters, and see what they face when they find themselves pregnant. The Abortion Support Network helps women from the Republic of Ireland, Northern Ireland, and the Isle of Man, where abortion is illegal in almost all circumstances. Their 2015 statistics state:
They heard from 648 women
12 were pregnant from rape
29 had medical issues
5 tried to self-harm or self-abort
29 were dealing with domestic violence
5 were homeless
12 were suicidal
(For more statistics and information, click here. You can also visit the ASN website to learn how you can help.)
I’ll just let those statistics sink in for a moment. 29 women revealed to the ASN that they were dealing with domestic violence. 29 women were pregnant with their abuser’s child. And 29 women made the decision to not bring a child into that environment (and were hopefully successful). The real number of women in such a situation but unable to access abortion is, I imagine, chilling. My dad started physically abusing my mum when she was pregnant with me. While I am, of course, happy to be alive now, it didn’t take long for my dad to start abusing me. Were there times that I wished she’d aborted me? Yes. And if she said now that she wishes she had done, I’d support her. Because I believe in choice.
So, in practical terms, what would the fallout be if abortions were no longer available on the NHS? This would, of course, disproportionately affect poorer women. If abortion is only available to those who can pay for it, those women who are living at or below the poverty line will be the ones who suffer. If a woman can’t afford to pay for an abortion, what makes you think she can afford to have a child? We cannot have a rich/poor divide when it comes to women’s health.
The ability to access safe, legal, and free abortion is a hard-won right, and it is not a right we’ll let go of easily. As you can see from the statistics on abortion in England & Wales in 2015, 92% of abortions were carried out at under 13 weeks gestation. Doesn’t this tell you that the vast majority of these women have experienced birth control failure?
The most recent UK Office for National Statistics (ONS) survey in 2008/09 found that 75 per cent of women aged 16-49 years and men aged 16-69 years were using a form of contraception, with the contraceptive pill and the male condom each accounting for 25 per cent of the total use.
Contraceptive methods fail. Rape happens. You can do everything right, and still end up pregnant. So if we could stop assuming that all women are falling pregnant simply because they’re irresponsible, that’d be great. SO many pro-lifers are actually just pro-birthers. How many children do you support, Emanuel? How many have you fostered, adopted? Your desire to remove abortion from the NHS is only fuelled by a hatred of women, but you’re dressing it up as concern for unborn children. But please, tell me, how many living children do you support? According to CoramBAAF, 70,440 children were in the care of local authorities on 31st March 2016. I can guarantee you there’d be more if abortion was made inaccessible.
And, while we’re at it, why is abortion classed as a women’s issue? Yes, women have abortions (but, don’t forget that not all women can fall pregnant, and not all those who can fall pregnant are women), but it also takes male sperm. Why are women demonised for making a decision for their own bodies? Oh, but wait, women lose the right to their bodies when they become pregnant. Silly me! A lawmaker in Oklahoma, US, recently referred to women as hosts. I’ll just give you the full quote here, because I can’t even:
“I understand that they feel like that is their body,” he said of women. “I feel like it is a separate — what I call them is, is you’re a ‘host.’ And you know when you enter into a relationship you’re going to be that host and so, you know, if you pre-know that then take all precautions and don’t get pregnant,” he explained. “So that’s where I’m at. I’m like, hey, your body is your body and be responsible with it. But after you’re irresponsible then don’t claim, well, I can just go and do this with another body, when you’re the host and you invited that in.”
Let me be clear. Women are PEOPLE, not “hosts”. Seriously, why does this need to be said? This dehumanisation of women is misogyny in all its glory. We are already objectified, have spent years, centuries, fighting for rights that should be a given. And now we are simply hosts. I don’t think I have the strength to address this in full right now, but let me just say: fuck that noise.
While all of the above is relevant, I want to end this post on the most important point of all: it’s not your body.
Some of Emanuel’s allies are telling him to keep fighting. Yes, Emanuel, keep fighting the war against women. Because if our government listens to people like you, more women will die. But we will keep fighting, too, and we won’t stop until every woman is free. So bring it on.
*I’m aware that this post is very cis-orientated, and I apologise to our trans sisters & brothers for not being more inclusive, but I wasn’t sure how to address this particular issue without referring to those who can carry children as “women”. I’m always happy to be corrected and to learn, so if you can spare the emotional labour, please do feel free to educate me, either in the comments below, or privately via email, firstname.lastname@example.org. Your information will never be shared without your permission.